Anger Management Tips

 

Definition of Anger:  It’s a powerful emotion that everyone feels from time to time.  Ex:  “You really tick me off,” “You’re such a pain in the neck,” “I can’t believe I did that.”

 

Expressing anger can be:

• Helpful:

Venting anger properly can get you “fired up” so you can overcome obstacles and achieve goals.

• Harmful:

When you ignore anger or express it in a negative way, it can hurt you – and others.

 

Some Common Causes of Anger:

 

Frustration:  I just can’t do it. I hate math, and I’ll never be good at it.

Hurt:  How can you say that to me? I thought you loved me.

Annoyance: This is the third time you’ve been late this week.

Disappointment:  I had everything planned for the picnic, and now it’s raining.

Harassment:  Get off my back. All you ever do is criticize me.

Threats:  Don’t push your luck, buddy. You don’t stand a chance.

 

What Makes You Angry?

10 Triggers:

 

1. insults, put-downs and name-calling
2. not doing well at something
3. rejection
4. being teased or picked on
5. not getting credit for something
6. having to wait
7. “unfair” orders or rules
8. hurt feelings
9. feeling powerless or not in control
10. frustration 

 

How Can You Tell If You’re Angry?

Warning signs

1. tense muscles
2. loud or mean voice
3. tight fists or jaw
4. fast heartbeat
5. fast breathing
6. feeling down or depressed
7. wanting to fight or break thing

 

When feeling angry, do:

• Do calm down before you discuss the issues. Shouting matches rarely lead to effective solutions.
• Do understand your reasons before you express your anger. Are you trying to defeat the person, or are you trying to solve the problem?
• Do be assertive – not aggressive. Express yourself firmly and clearly without making insulting remarks. Understand the importance of negotiation and compromise.
• Do seek help if you have trouble communicating your anger constructively or if you get angry too often. Talk with a friend about your problem, or see a counselor for help.

 

Other ways to control your anger:

 

• Humor:  Don’t waste your energy becoming angry over minor problems that can’t be helped.
• Physical Activity – any kind of physical activity – walking, riding a bike
• Rest and relaxation – get plenty of sleep to avoid irritability.
• Take a time out – When you’re angry, take time to calm down and think. Then, discuss the issue with the person involved or with a friend.
• Hobbies:  Instead of flying off the handle, put your energy into a hobby.

 

The Warning Light:

1. Picture a light inside your head. Imagine that it flashes a warning when you need to stop and think before speaking or acting.
2. Remember to check your light whenever you are in a situation that is making you angry.

 

Counting to Ten (or higher)

1. Take a deep breath and start counting slowly to yourself.
2. Keep listening to the other person as you count. Don’t provoke him or her by revealing what you are doing.
3. Look the other person in the eye.

 

Self-statements:

Sometimes just telling yourself not to get angry can help keep you calm.

1. I don’t have to let this get to me.
2. I don’t need to fight about this.
3. I can handle this.
4. I can stay calm.
5. I enjoy feeling calm and in control.

 

Ask yourself questions:

1. Is this worth getting angry about?
2. Am I sure this person is really out to hurt or insult me?
3. Is there another way to get what I want?

 

 Information obtained from:

Life Skills Training:  Promoting Health and Personal Development: Botvin, Gilbert J. Princeton Health Press. 1979-2004.

Let’s Talk About Anger. 1996 Channing L. Bete Co., Inc.

 

Handout:

Anger Management.doc