COPING WITH YOUR FEELINGS

 

Your feelings are yours:  People often say “he made me so angry” or she makes me very frustrated.”  In fact, no other person can “make” you feel anything.  Your feelings come from inside you – and only you can manage them.

 

No one can make you act:  People sometimes do mean and upsetting things.  You may think you have “no choice” but to lash out.  But, you do have a choice.  You can decide what you will do.  Nothing another person does can take that power from you.

 

4 Tips to Help You Gain Control Over Your Feelings

1.  Know the warning signs that your feelings are getting out of control. 

For example, you might be losing control if:  your heart is racing, your fists are clenched, your voice is getting louder.  When you notice signs like these, stop. Concentrate on gaining control over your feelings.  Get away from the problem, if possible.  Return when you can deal with it calmly.

 

2.  Avoid upsetting situations as much as possible.

Stay away from people or things that irritate you.  This doesn’t mean hide from problems you need to solve, such as trouble at school or with parents.  It just means stay away from the little things that get under your skin.  Then you have more energy for the big issues.

 

3.  Believe in yourself.

You have the power to cope with your feelings and solve your problems.  You can control your actions.  It’s your responsibility to do so.

 

4.  Learn to relax and relieve the stress you can’t avoid.

Too much stress can make you more likely to overreact to problems.  There are many simple ways to relax, such as walking, exercising, listening to music, muscle relaxation, meditation, etc.

 

 

Check Your Thinking:

 

People often get worked up over simple misunderstandings.  Do any of these situations sound familiar?

 

• Some people are looking your way and laughing.
  • You might be thinking:  “Those guys are laughing at me. I’ve got to make them stop!”
  • But, think again:  There are a million things they could be laughing at.  Chances are, they aren’t laughing at you.  If they are laughing at you, your best response is to ignore them.  Just leave the scene – with your self-respect intact.

• Someone bumps into you in the hall.
• You might be thinking:  “That jerk did that on purpose.  I can’t let him get away with that!”
• But think again:  Could the bump have been a mistake?  Anyway, what will you gain by getting into a fight?  What would happen if you acted like you didn’t notice the bump?
  • You hear that a classmate is telling lies about you.
    • You might be thinking:  “I’m going to have to shut him up!”
  • But think again:  Are you sure he is telling lies about you?  Wouldn’t it be better to find out the truth?  Then, if you still have a problem, you can plan a calm response.

 

 You always have a choice!  You can use self-control.  You can choose to think again and act responsibly.

 Information obtained from:  Self-Control Puts You In Charge (1995), Channing L. Bete Co., Inc.

Handout:

Feelings.doc