Grief and Loss

When coping with a death, you may go through all kinds of emotions.  You may be sad, worried, or scared.  You might be shocked, unprepared, or confused.  You might be feeling angry, cheated, relieved, guilty, exhausted, or just plain empty.  Your emotions might be stronger or deeper than usual or mixed together in ways you’ve never experienced before.

 

Some people find they have trouble concentrating, studying, sleeping, or eating when they’re coping with a death.  Others lose interest in activities they used to enjoy.  Some people lose themselves in playing computer games or eat or drink to excess.  And some people feel numb, as if nothing has happened.

 

All of these are normal ways to react to a death.

 

What is Grief?

 

When we have emotional, physical, and spiritual reactions in response to a death or loss, it’s known as grief or grieving.  People who are grieving might:

• Feel strong emotions, such as sadness and anger
• Have physical reactions, such as not sleeping or even waves of nausea
• Have spiritual reactions to a death – for example, some people find themselves questioning their beliefs and feeling disappointed in their religion while others find that they feel more strongly than ever about their faith

 

The grieving process takes time and healing usually happens gradually.

 

Caring for Yourself:

 

The loss of someone close to you can be stressful.  It can help you to cope if you take care of yourself in certain small but important ways.  Here are some that might help:

 

• Remember that grief is a normal emotion.  Know that you can (and will) heal over time.
• Participate in rituals.  Memorial services, funerals, and other traditions help people get through the first few days and honor the person who died.
• Be with others.  Even informal gatherings of family and friends bring a sense of support and help people not to feel so isolated in the first days and weeks of their grief.
• Talk about it when you can.  Some people find it helpful to tell the story of their loss or talk about their feelings.  Sometimes a person doesn’t feel like talking, and that’s OK, too.  No one should feel pressure to talk.
• Express yourself.  Even if you don’t feel like talking, find ways to express your emotions and thoughts.  Start writing in a journal about the memories you have of the person you lost and how you’re feeling since the loss.  Or write a song, poem, or tribute about your loved one.  You can do this privately or share it with others.
• Exercise.  Exercise can help your mood.  It may be hard to get motivated, so modify your usual routine if you need to.
• Eat right.  You may feel like skipping meals or you may not feel hungry, but your body still needs nutritious foods.
• Join a support group.  If you think you may be interested in attending a support group, ask an adult or school counselor about how to become involved.  The thing to remember is that you don’t have to be alone with your feelings or your pain.
• Let your emotions be expressed and released.  Don’t stop yourself from having a good cry if you feel one coming on.  Don’t worry if listening to particular songs or doing other activities is painful because it brings back memories of the person that you lost; this is common.  After a while, it becomes less painful.

 

Getting Help for Intense Grief

 

If your grief isn’t letting up for a while after the death of your loved one, you may want to reach out for help.  If grief has turned into depression, it’s very important to tell someone.

 

How do you know if your grief has been going on too long?  Here are some signs:

 

• You’ve been grieving for 4 months or more and you aren’t feeling any better.
• You feel depressed.
• Your grief is so intense that you feel you can’t go on with your normal activities.
• Your grief is affecting your ability to concentrate, sleep, eat, or socialize as you normally do.
• You feel you can’t go on living after the loss or you think about suicide, dying, or hurting yourself.

 

It’s natural for loss to cause people to think about death to some degree.  But if a loss has caused you to think about suicide or hurting yourself in some way, or if you feel that you can’t go on living, it’s important that you tell someone right away.

 

Counseling with a professional therapist can help because it allows you to talk about your loss and express strong feelings.  Many counselors specialize in working with teens who are struggling with loss and depression.  If you’d like to talk to a therapist and you’re not sure where to begin, ask an adult or school counselor.  Your doctor may also be able to recommend someone.

 

Resource:

Healing Patch (Home Nursing Agency)

 

Information obtained from:  http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/someone_died.html . Accessed 6/7/2011.

Handout:

 Grief and Loss.doc