Ms. Ribarich's Guidance Website
Rumors and Gossip
Rumor
- A rumor is a piece of information or a story that has not been verified, meaning that the person telling it doesn’t know if it’s true or false.
- Rumors spread from person to person, or can spread from one person to a whole bunch of people at once.
- Rumors can change slightly each time they’re told, so they get more exaggerated over time.
- Most people who spread rumors don’t care if the story is true or not, and don’t bother to check it out.
Gossip
- Gossip is talk that is somehow “juicy,” meaning it deals with subjects that are shocking or personal.
- Gossip is usually about things like love and relationships, or private things that people don’t talk openly about.
- Gossip about a person is usually spread behind that person’s back and can be true, false, or a rumor.
- When a piece of gossip is known to be false, it’s a lie, plain and simple.
- If a piece of gossip about somebody is true, it can still be very hurtful because that information may be private and personal.
Why It Hurts, Why It’s Wrong
- Words hurt as much as a punch
Sometimes more, because a punch may be painful, but at least it’s over pretty fast. Rumors are, quite simply, a form of bullying that’s sometimes referred to as “relational aggression.” When a person or a group makes up a rumor about someone or decides to spread nasty gossip, it’s usually to hurt someone, break up a friendship, or make someone less popular. It’s the same thing as teasing, only it’s done behind someone’s back instead of to his or her face.
- Gossip and rumors can be a form of exclusion
When you spread a rumor about someone, you’re sending a signal that the person is outside of the group, and somehow less worthy of friendship than others. You’re making fun of that person or pointing out negative things about him or her. This can let others think that it’s okay to make the person feel inferior, and make him or her an outsider.
- Gossip and rumors can destroy trust
We need to be able to trust our friends, and gossiping and rumors can break this trust. If you tell a personal secret to a friend, and he turns around and blabs it to someone else, you might feel like you’ll get burned if you ever get close to him again.
- True or not, private is private
Let’s say your mother tells you that your friend Susannah’s parents told her that they’re getting a divorce. You don’t feel bad about passing it around because, after all, it’s a fact, right? Wrong! Perhaps Susannah isn’t ready for people to know about her parents splitting up. It can be very painful and humiliating when other people know things about us that we want to keep private. It can make us feel like we’ve been violated, like something that is supposed to be just ours is now out in the open for all to see…and to judge.
- Believing rumors can lead to bad choices
Letting a rumor influence your behavior is like letting someone else make a big decision for you. Let’s say you hear that the Principal plans to call a Snow Day tomorrow because a blizzard’s coming. Expecting a day off, you don’t do your homework. The next morning, the blizzard turns out to be nothing more than a drizzle, and school isn’t cancelled after all. Doh! You get zeroes on your assignments.
Material obtained from: http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/friends/rumors
Rumors
- Make the rumor stop with you
If you decide that the rumor is hurtful in some way, make a stand. Decide that you don’t want to take part in spreading it. Others may continue to circulate the gossip, but you’ve made a personal choice to stay out of it. Chances are that the rumor will die out much more quickly that if you had joined the buzz.
- Don’t be an audience
When someone comes to you with a rumor, try not to be an audience. This person may want to hurt somebody, or may be after attention or power. It can be hard to resist hearing some juicy dish, especially if you’re bored, but make an effort to say, “I’m not interested in hearing mean gossip, thanks.”
Just like with physical bullying, there are no “innocent bystanders” with hurtful rumors. Hearing and reacting to the rumor, and letting it continue, makes you almost as responsible for its damage as the person who started it. Instead, don’t provide another pair of ears for the rumor-starter. If he/she isn’t getting the reaction or attention he’s/she’s seeking, he’ll/she’ll be less likely to do it in the future.
- Be a peacemaker
If one of your friends wants to hurt someone else by spreading lies or rumors, speak up. Let your friend know that this isn’t the right thing to do. If you need to, find another friend who feels the same way and talk to the others together. If rumors are getting out of control and someone is being made a real victim, get a counselor or teacher involved.
- Respect other’s privacy
If you don’t want other people talking about the personal things in your life, don’t do it to others. When you hear personal information about a classmate or friend, try to keep it to yourself, and don’t worry about whether it’s true or not. If you respect people’s privacy, they’ll be more likely to do the same for you.
- Get the facts
Most of the time, you should try to ignore gossip and rumors. But if you hear a rumor about something important, and it doesn’t sound too crazy or far-fetched, ask a teacher, parent/guardian, counselor what they think.
When the Rumors are about you:
- Try to understand where it’s coming from and why
If you can, figure out who started the rumor.
- Get someone in the middle to make a stand
Identify someone who didn’t start the rumor and get him or her on your side. Ask this person to stick up for you, telling others in the group that the rumor is not true and, most importantly, very hurtful.
- Don’t give the bully what he or she wants
It’s easy to get overwhelmed with emotion when people are being mean to us. But just like with other types of bullying, it just makes it worse when we reward their efforts by getting visibly upset.
- Resist the urge to get revenge
If you’ve been the victim of gossip and rumors and you know who’s been spreading them, you might want to go “an eye for an eye.” It’s tempting to think up lies or expose secrets that you know, and taking revenge in this way might feel good for a short time. But in the end, it will just keep the cycle of rumors going, and will make you as much of a bully as any other rumor-starter.
- Lower the chances that it will happen again
Think about what you’ve learned from a particular rumor experience, and let it help you make sure it never happens again.
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- Be careful with your secrets – The more private information that you make public, the more ammunition the gossips will have, so be careful who you confide in.
- Use the buddy system – It helps to have a best friend who you can trust to be on your side and watch your back when you need it. Ask this friend to keep an ear out for gossip about you and let you know who’s doing the gossiping. Of course, the best way to make sure your friend stays loyal is to do the same for him or her, and not betray the trust of friendship when it’s your friend’s turn to be a rumor target.
- Resist the urge to dish it out – Don’t be the person who’s happy to spread rumors about other people, but freaks out when they’re about you. If you spread gossip and rumors about others, you might get a rep as someone who deserves a taste of his or her own medicine. When you keep your gossip to yourself, you won’t be such a prime target for somebody seeking to get even.
Material obtained from: http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/friends/rumors
BREAKING THE RUMOR CHAIN
Face it: people gossip. They always have, and they always will. You can’t change that, but you can change what happens when a rumor comes your way.
Decide whether it’s hurtful or harmless
When you hear something about someone you know and have the urge to pass it on, don’t think about whether it’s true or not. Instead, ask yourself these questions:
- Why do I want to pass this on?
- Would I want people to know this kind of information about me?
- How will this person feel if he or she knew this rumor was being spread?
- How will this person feel if he or she knew this rumor was being spread?
- Will this rumor reduce this person’s status or make him or her excluded from the group?
Your answers will help you figure out the right thing to do.
Tips on Breaking the Rumor Chain:
- Make the rumor stop with you.
If you decide that the rumor is hurtful in some way, make a stand. Decide that you don’t want to take part in spreading it. Others may continue to circulate the gossip, but you’ve made a personal choice to stay out of it. Chances are that the rumor will die out much more quickly than if you had join the buzz.
- Don’t be an audience.
When someone comes to you with a rumor, try not to be an audience. This person may want to hurt somebody, or may be after attention or power. It can be hard to resist hearing some juicy dish, especially if you’re bored, but make an effort to say, “I’m not interested in hearing mean gossip, thanks.”
Just like with physical bullying, there are no “innocent bystanders” with hurtful rumors. Hearing and reacting to the rumor, and letting it continue, makes you almost as responsible for its damage as the person who started it. Instead, don’t provide another pair of ears for the rumor-starter. If he isn’t getting the reaction or attention he’s seeking, he’ll be less likely to do it in the future.
- Be a peacemaker.
If one of your friends wants to hurt someone else by spreading lies or rumors, speak up. Let your friend know that this isn’t the right thing to do. If you need to, find another friend who feels the same way and talk to the others together. If rumors are getting out of control and someone is being made a real victim, get a counselor or teacher involved.
- Respect others’ privacy.
If you don’t want other people talking about the personal things in your life, don’t do it to others. When you hear personal information about a classmate or friend, try to keep it to yourself, and don’t worry about whether it’s true or not. If you respect people’s privacy, they’ll be more likely to do the same for you.
- Get the facts.
Most of the time, you should try to ignore gossip and rumors. But if you hear a rumor about something important, and it doesn’t sound too crazy or far-fetched, ask a teacher, guardian, or parent what they think. If it’s a modern legend that you find interesting, you can try searching on the Web to see if it’s been proven fake or not. But remember not to believe everything you read, even on the Web.
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