Bullying

     With all of the media hype about the severe consequences some kids suffer from bullying, it's important that we adults who care about children are clear about what we can do.

     First of all, we must understand that the term "bullying" is thrown around too freely these days.  Media and community members use the term incorrectly at times to gain attention and create energy around a problem.  Bullying is actually repeated acts of intimidation, threats, or physical or verbal harassment that are done purposefully to cause harm and that effect a person's functioning in their everyday lives.  Bullying also means that there is an imbalance of power in the relationship.

     So some of the things we call bullying are not bullying.  There are also certainly unkind acts and rude behaviors.  These are often the kinds of things that cause kids problems: name-calling, arguing with a friend, getting upset over a perceived unfairness or a specific negative event.

     Whether it's bullying or not, these negative acts cause problems and can hurt our kids' feelings. 

     Here's what we can do as caring adults:

     * Listen to kids' feelings without jumping to conclusions or reacting to our own emotions.  Everyone deserves to have their feelings heard - including the other people in the story who have their own perspective and facts about what happened.

     * Help kids develop appropriate assertiveness skills and self-support skills.  They need to feel that they can solve some of their own problems and speak up for themselves without being aggressive.  Or know that they can ignore or laugh off some of these issues that are not too serious.

     * Encourage kids to use a wide support system of adults when the issues are serious or they cannot handle them themselves.  So often, adults find out after the fact when real bullying or serious issues have harmed children.  Encourage kids to talk to parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, counselors, and other trusted adults in their lives.

     * Be very clear that we all need to be responsible for our words and actions.  Everything we say, write and do has effects on others.  Kids need to be reminded consistently and often that all the comments they make about others are their responsibility.  If they say something mean to another student at lunchtime, the classmates around them hear and then a couple of them may spread it around at recess.  If they write something mean on a text or email or blog, hundreds or thousands or millions of people can read it.

     * Be a good role model yourself and don't text, email or blog nasty comments, incorrect information, bashing, judgmental comments and otherwise irresponsible communications that create an atmosphere of negativity.    Today's technologically advanced society has many advantages but it comes with huge responsibilities.  The exponentially larger number of people we can affect with the touch of a button means we need to think twice, three times, four times harder about what information we put out there.